Turnaround

Tonight, as I still breathe (Notes on paper 0013)

I don’t feel like much  
Just bummed and sleepy, useless.  

Maybe it was all the tears.  
the scars.  And disagreements.  

Do people want to see me bleed?  
And hear me say that I am scared?  

forgive me if the rivers contain 
enough despair, and cynicism 
masquerading together as doubt, 
& posing as introspective
cleverness

because those don’t yet dare 
to believe in that good ness 
and resilience 
of a heart beat  
Still beating.  

despite all the yea buts 
and finger pointing 
and hiding in shadow 
of what they know 
or what’s come to be known 
for them to feel more at home
with a ghost

no I’m going back in, see
to that void behind 
the back curtains of 
staring eyes,  

just remember 
one thing 
that we owe no explanation 
to those who stand and watch 

so let the hater haggle 
over seconds from the 
comfort of their armchair 
and staring into screens. 

I’ll stand for something 
tonight, as I still breathe